A week ago, I took part in a Mother’s Day initiative where I had the chance to talk about how I felt about being a mother, and we talked a little bit about my relationship with my own mother.
For along time, being abandoned by my own parents for the whole of my life both emotionally and physically, I lived in a place of bitterness and despair. It took me a long time to come to peace with things. I have a whole chapter in my upcoming book dedicated to this process. Sometimes we have to accept the role that God needs us to play in each others lives, and make peace with it.
Do I still miss her presence? Absolutely. There have been so many times in my life that I wished she was here, cheering me on. I wish she was here loving my children. I don’t think that you ever outgrow the need for someone to be proud of you, and see you through all of the stages of your life.
My mother still faces the same demons that she did when I was little, sadly enough. There’s been so many times I wished I could take it from her so she could be free from it and see the life she’s missing out on. She knows very little about me or about my family. She probably couldn’t name all of my kids, and has only met the youngest four twice. She doesn’t know about my life much, she doesn’t know about any of the work that I do or projects I have done in recent years. I wish it were different, but have come to find peace with it and understand my role in her life.
I do know her however, and I completely accept her for who she is. My mom is a beautiful person, and that’s enough. I won’t say much more because so much of my feelings are still being expressed in the chapters of my book…and I’m still working on how to fully convey the feelings of my heart. Let’s just say that it’s a process to forgive and fall in love again.
Here are some of the things I shared about my mother with the wonderful people at the “Happily Ever After Project”. I sure fell in love with them quickly, and am thrilled at their commitment to share goodness and light with the world. They have such a darling family, and beautiful spirits. (and they put up with me asking a million technical questions. Keep an eye on these guys for a lot of beautiful things to come!