How eating popcorn could kill you, or make you wish you were dead.

I love popcorn. I do. It’s been my favorite snack since I was a little. I’ve raised my children with this little love affair as well. Every movie night is celebrated with a great big bowl of this buttery yumminess.

Lately, I’ve been using it as my nightly snack. My son Julian will pop me a big bow full of it and I’ll eat it over a few days time. Last night was Ethan’s Halloween Orchestra Concert, so I made dinner early. By the time it was over I was starving and I was on the hunt. After rummaging through our pantry, I went upstairs defeated – resounded to going to bed hungry. As I entered my room…complete joy flooded my memory!!! I remembered I still had a half a bowl of popcorn!

Wait…did my kids get to it? Is it already gone? I was panicked, hoping the kids had not sniffed out my treats like the bloodhounds they typically are when any kind of goodness lurks within the walls of my room. Just as I was about to give up, I noticed the bowl on the floor behind my office chair and jumped for joy! “Woo hoo!!!” I cried out. Craig was already in bed and laughing he said, “What’s got you so happy?”

“The kids didn’t eat my popcorn!!! Now I’m about to get in my bed, snuggle up to my honey, and watch a movie til I fall asleep!” The lights were all out and I climbed into bed about to snarf down my bestie snack with a vengeance. Then…the thought came to me- I better go wash my hands first. I can’t stand putting things in my mouth with the thought of dirty hands. I set the bowl on the counter and went to the bathroom while I was at it, cause ain’t nobody got time to  interrupt a deep sleep because of a full bladder.

Ok….Handled my business, check. Washed my hands, check.

I grabbed my bowl of yumminess off the counter and went to shut the lights off. Just as I was flipping the switch, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Double take….was something moving in my bowl? So I turned the light back on for better inspection. I leaned my head into the bowl and again had to adjust my eyes….what is thaaaaaat?

Is that a WORM? Oh my gosh, YES!!! I continued to scan the bowl and there lied a second, but smaller worm!!! I refused to look for anymore at this point… but I can tell you from my observation,  they were the happiest worms I have ever seen. They were practically dancing all over the place as they mounted the various kernels of popped heaven clouds. Soooooo GROSS!

Now a word of warning, I’m not typically a cussing type person – however I reserve the right to belt out profanities in times of extreme fear, extreme pain or creepy crawlies in my food.

I screamed out, “Craig!!!!!! There are worms in my damn popcorn! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Ewe ewe ewe ewe ewe ewe ewe ewe ewe!!!!!!!!”

Craig, “the hero” comes hopping in to save the day… (he’s only got one leg) and is like,

“Whoa…those are huge!”

Grabbing his arms I was like…. “I KNOW….!!! I almost ate them! I almost ate these nasty things! What if I wouldn’t have stopped to wash my hands?

What if I would have just jumped into bed in the dark and started chowing down?!

WHAT if I picked up a kernel with a worm on it and it touched me?

Or I put it in my mouth and squished it?

Oh my gosh Craig! I could have died!

Where did these worms come from?!

I bet they hatched in the bowl! Ewe! Wait?!

I’ve been eating that BOWL for two days!

WHAT IF I ALREADY ATE SOME?

What if they are alive inside of me?

What if I ate some kernels that’s had worm eggs in them and now they’ve are hatching inside me while we speak?

What if they crawl up my throat with all of their disgusting little succor feet and come out of my nose or mouth? I almost died Craig! I almost diiiiiiieeeeeeed!”

Craig laughing at my ridiculousness (that’s a daily affair for him) tried to convince me that they must have gotten in there somehow. That they didn’t hatch. Blah blah blah.

“There’s no way dear, that one worm was HUGE. He couldn’t have gotten that big in a day.” he says.

“Craig, of course they can! They’ve been eating my popcorn!”

Sorry, I just couldn’t take his word for it. So I took to the internet. Low and behold, worms and popcorn are a thing. Even found pictures of my worms. They are the ones in the photo below. 🙁 And for your viewing pleasure I have included a video on youtube of little larvae that hatched inside a movie theatre popcorn bin. That’s what these worms look like before they fill up on popcorn. 50 shades of nasty.

The tiny worm on the left was the size of one of the worms. The second worm was the size of the one of the  far right. I want to cry right now.

I spent the entire night paranoid….thinking of how many worms I had ingested over the course of my popcorn loving life. I’m probably infested and they are swarming through my intestines as we speak.

Craig thinks the acids in my stomach would probably kill them, but I’m not convinced. I mean if they have survived pesticides, harvest, treatment and packaging facilities, transport, storage, sale and cooking at high temperatures in oil….then what are my little ole stomach acids gonna do? Nothing. I’ve probably been pooping worms my whole life. How can I even move forward after this?

This morning, all I could think about is how I can get rid of my critters.

Some ideas are as follows….(warning! DON’T try these at home – this is dangerous crazy talk)

1.Drink the equivilent of worm drano – hopefully clean all the “pipes”.

2. Drink through a firehose. Maybe the sheer force and velocity would blow them all out the back side. But then I’d probably need a colostomy bag for the rest of my life from all the damage.

3. Colonics (poop shoot irrigation) to lure them out nicely. That’s a lot of trauma for them and for me.

4. Taking deworming/parasite pills and swearing a blood oath to not to look in the toilet after doing my business until I know the coast is clear. Maybe a life time. If I so much as see a worm in the toilet….

I’m still deciding on the most effective form of treatment, but there is one thing I know for sure.

Popcorn – it’s over. We’re through. We had a good run, but you’ve crossed a line- and sometimes there’s just NO. WAY. BACK. This is the ultimate betrayal. It’s time we part ways.

Team Moms and Room Moms –  this is no longer funny. It’s traumatic and PTSD inducing.

Oh and hey God- when you were up there’s creating worlds and such, I know it’s alot. I also know that when Adam and Eve ate the apple, you had no choice but to give us thorns and weeds. And then of course, now we all have to work by the sweat of our brow –  I get it. I really do. It all just kinda makes sense, ya know?

But doing this to our popcorn? Now that’s just rude. I’m not being disrespectful God, but this has to be for your own amusement. I know you’re laughing at me. I’m sure you get bored up there with all the problems and the whining, and the evil doers…..but why you gotta do me like this? Sigh.

Love,

Dawn

PS.  Wash your hands before you eat!  Good Hygene literally saved my life! Happy Halloween. Don’t eat this if someone tries to serve it to you. You could be getting more than you asked for.

if you liked this post….read the one next for a good laugh!

Breakfast in Bed

 

 

 

 

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Breakfast

Breakfast in Bed

For years, Craig has been the breakfast guy. He makes so many yummy things, German pancakes, hash browns, bacon, eggs, French toast….I mean seriously, YUM. Best hubby award, for life.

There is only one thing he doesn’t do well and it is smoothies. I don’t know how he does it, but they are always super thick and well….. not yummy at all. I am sorry but it’s true!! Everyone in the house knows it. The kids try to act late for school and “have to run” whenever he makes them. None of us have the heart to tell him we hate his smoothies. I love that he is trying to do something thoughtful, so I end up taking one for the team and try to choke it down like a champ. The hard part is that I eat like a bird. He always brings me HUGE glasses of his latest concoctions, and I just can’t physically drink it all. (I do try!)

Lately I have been a little extra burnt out on the “smoothie treatment”, and he has really started getting after me. He will see the cup half full and instantly calls me to repentance. Craig reads me the riot act on being wasteful, and threatens that if I don’t start drinking them, he is going to stop making them for me. In my defense…they are yucky. If he would just give me a small glass of yucky, I would probably drink it all, out of pure loyalty. (I’m talking deep love friends, deeeeeeeeep love to choke these bad boys down)

So this morning, he let me sleep in (angel husband) and after I woke up I saw him walk into the bedroom with a shake in his hand. I’m not gonna lie, my heart sank. Don’t get me wrong, I was excited to see my babe…but the shake…no. Ugh. I am going to have to choke down another one while he watches to make sure I drink it. I think it’s gotten to the point where mentally it does something to me. Like ignites my gag reflex. So anyway, I took a few sips right in front of him immediately. He smiled at me with his approval, and walked away to go do some things. The second he left I put it on my night stand. Phew, I had passed the test. I can go dump the rest down the sink in when the coast is clear and Wala! Wife of the year. Except for the fact that I forgot to dump it cause I got distracted on my computer. After forgetting all about it sitting there, Craig came back in and laid down next to me to snuggle for a few. He looked up and saw my smoothie still sitting on my night stand with nothing gone but my first few sips.  With irritation in his voice he belts out, “Did you waste my smoothie again!? Are you serious?”  My heart sank, I was busted. I tried to think quick on my feet to make up some excuse but couldn’t come up with anything. I have been here too many times before. I’m fresh out of excuses.

With no reply but the guilty look on my face, I just looked down. He finally quipped, “Give it to me, so it doesn’t go to waste.” I handed the drink over to him and he gave me a dirty look as he drank it down. (probably cause it tasted so bad) I watched him as he gulped it down like a boss, wondering how he can drink that nasty stuff down so fast. Impressive.

I was snapped back into reality as he continued to scold me, “You know, I am going to stop making you smoothies. You waste them every single time.” I cued up in my mind the apology and excuses that have now become so routine. I gently laid my head on his chest and snuggled in, breaking his sternness instantly. He followed up with, “I mean it, I am done making you shakes.”
Looking up into those baby blues, I opened my mouth and the words came out so quick I could hardly stop them. “Do you promise? I mean you keep saying that, but WHEN?”

He looked at me shocked and bewildered, and then we both started laughing so hard!! I felt so relieved. I quickly kissed him to mend things and said, “I love you, and am so grateful that you take such good care of me, please no more smoothies honey. I can’t take it anymore.” With wounded pride he told me I was in charge of my own smoothies from now on. I snuggled in to his chest, chuckled and said, “Deal.”

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